While reading this particular column, I was reminded of a part of my humorous philosophy book, Beginnings to Endings. Below I present the excerpt that I thought of. It basically provides politicians with tips on how to out-promise their opponents. The following comes from the beginning of Chapter 7 entitled "Law".
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Okay, now it is time to get down
to the serious business of creating laws. Well, at least I consider it serious business. Unfortunately, many of our leaders
do not. They consider laws to be something akin to a game like World Domination. They will promise the
passing or changing of any law, whether Constitutional or not, if it will help
them get elected and gain power. Consider this exchange from a recent
Presidential election debate.
Candidate #1: If you elect me as your President, I
promise to only sign laws that are in keeping with the Constitution, that are
fair and just for all citizens, and
that protect their properties and rights rather than violate them.
Candidate #2: Candidate #1 cannot be taken seriously. He
is too idealistic. He’s living in the past and interpreting the Constitution
too strictly. The American People want a President that understands that the
Constitution was intended to be a flexible document. One that can be
re-interpreted from time to time to meet the changing needs of our culture.
Candidate #3: Candidate #2 is correct. We cannot be held
back by our Constitution. We must move into the 21st century. If you
elect me, I promise to give money to the poor, provide free health care for
all, and provide a free education to everyone up to and including a Ph.D. And
for those people who cannot pass the required courses, I’ll see to it that they
at least get a diploma. I just received an E-mail about how to obtain these
easily via the Internet.
Candidate #4: Candidate #3 is on the right track, but he
wants to limit American Citizens too much. What good is an education without
the guarantee of a job? I promise a job to everyone whether they want it or
not. Under my administration, businesses will be required to hire everyone
whether they are productive or not. FULL EMPLOYMENT is my mantra.
Candidate #5: Come on everyone, get with the program. An
education, job, and health care doesn’t guarantee happiness. To be happy you
got to have STUFF! And if your job doesn’t pay enough to buy STUFF, how are you
going to get it? I promise every citizen a home and a car of their choice. And
what is happiness without a complete home entertainment center, a kitchen with
all the latest appliances, a king size bed, and a Jacuzzi? If the citizens want
these things, they must vote for me. Don Pardo, what else do we have for our
contestants – uh, citizens?
Don Pardo: Well, Candidate #5, we have two all
paid vacations each year to any resort in the world. And how about family Jet
Skis, and …
Candidate #6: Ah, shut up Don! Whatever you have isn’t
enough. I’m offering every citizen anything they want. ANYTHING, I say. Just
ask for it and I’ll get it for you, even if I personally have to drive down to
Walmart to get it. And unlike the cold-hearted likes of Candidate #4, I won’t
require you to work for anything unless you just want to.
Citizen #1: Gee, does that mean you will provide
me with eight six-packs of beer and five packs of cigarettes every day, as many
tattoos as I want, a new pickup truck with a shotgun rack and an 8-track tape
player, and every Willie Nelson tape that has been or will be released? And I
never have to work again?
Candidate #6: That’s right, ma’am. Anything you want.
Citizen #1: You got my vote!
Citizen #2: Wait just a minute. How are you
going to pay for all that stuff, Candidate #6?
Candidate #6: Not to worry. We will increase our Federal
income tax rate to 256.7% on all income with no deductions and that should take
care of it.
Citizen #2: Hey, you can’t make the tax rate higher than 100%. And besides, if no one
has to work, what income will you be taxing?
Candidate #6: First, where exactly does the Constitution
limit the taxation rate to 100%? Nowhere, that’s where! Ha, ha! Got you on that
one! Second, should a significant number of people decide not to work – and I
personally do not think this will happen – I am already working on a
contingency plan to borrow from every nation on the face of the Earth up to
145.7% of their GDP’s. So, there! Are you satisfied now smart-aleck? (Candidate #6 then stuck his tongue out, placed
his thumbs in his ears, and flapped his fingers wildly alongside his head.)
So as you can see, based on the historical record, you
have to beware of politicians’ guarantees. They will promise you the Moon, but
what they deliver has nothing to do with NASA. Rather, it involves them turning
their backs to you and dropping their pants. And let me tell you, Ace Ventura
looks like an amateur when compared to politicians speaking out of their butts.
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Beginnings to Endings is available in Kindle and paperback formats at Amazon.com.
". Several times I have looked at this book and thought about buying it, but just never did.
. It is very interesting to read about all the famous photographers and artists he befriended and the varied experiences he had. One thing that struck me was how determined photographers had to be years ago. Adams said that he would typically carry thirty pounds of equipment and supplies on his back and his tripod in his hand. When on longer treks he had to enlist the help of pack mules. I get tired just carrying minimal digital equipment in a shoulder bag.
