On the other side are those who believe that Voter ID laws
disenfranchise citizens who do not have a valid ID. However as one commentator
said, you can’t even check out a book at the public library without sufficient
ID. Why would you want to allow voting without proper identification? Perhaps those
library cards could be used at the polls as identification. In fact, some
states are already doing this.
Given all the controversy over Voter ID, I decided that if we
really don’t care how many times a person votes, there is a much better way to
hold elections. I call it Reality TV Elections (RTE). Currently, there is a
huge interest in talent shows on TV. Shows such as American Idol, America’s Got
Talent, The X Factor, The Voice, and Dancing With The Stars are going strong.
Some of these shows have franchises around the world, so there’s no
disenfranchising going on there yet. Here is my idea. Do away with the current
election process and replace it with a reality show. Just to get the mental
cogs turning, here’s a few suggestions for the name of the show: Presidential
Idol, America’s President’s Got Skills, The POTUS Factor, The Election, or Cavorting
With The Candidates. I’m sure you, gentle reader, can come up with even better
names.
Just think about it. This reality show concept will not only
solve the problem of voters being disenfranchised and others not being allowed
to vote more than once, but other problems as well.
Campaign finance reform is something that many people want to
see. They don’t like the idea of big money controlling big elections. All those
PACs and SuperPACs are seen as corrupting the election process. Well, no more
with RTE. The candidates will no longer have to raise money and be beholding to
big money interests. In fact, RTE will pay for itself. Advertising fees would
pay for the entire process. Can you imagine replacing the McCain-Feingold law
with McCain’s Fine Gold ads? Totally awesome.
Our two-party system of politics has been increasingly under
attack since there are a significant number of people who no longer like the
candidates who run as a Republican or a Democrat. Yet these people are
skeptical of voting for a third party candidate for fear they are throwing
their vote away and possibly allowing the worser of two evils to get elected.
This is not an issue with RTE. It would allow anyone in the country who is
Constitutionally qualified to be president to show up at the tryouts to be held
in major cities throughout the US. The judges would consist of all former US
presidents who are still alive. Channeling of dead presidents is not allowed as
it is with voters. If there is not a well balanced array of ideologies amongst
the living presidents, then Howard Stern and/or Penn Jillette could join them
to compensate. And remember, there would no longer be any political parties
except those held by the judges after hours.
In the early rounds of competition, the judges alone would decide
who makes it through to the next round.
However, to avoid any hint of partisanship in this process, the early
rounds would be devoid of any ideological content. The judges could base their
decisions on such things as who has a presidential look and speaks like a
president. After all, you don’t want a president who wears a nose ring and
dangles his participles. Well, at least not in our present culture; maybe
someday in the future. After eliminating candidates based on these two criteria
alone, the field of remaining candidates should be at a very manageable level.
In fact, the number may be small enough to go to the live shows. If not, then
the number could definitely be reduced to an appropriate level by asking
questions such as “What are the three branches of the federal government?”,
“Who was the first president of the United States?”, and “What was the first
bill that President James Garfield signed into law?”
Voting by the TV viewing audience would begin with the first live
show. At this point ideologies could be expressed by the candidates. I suggest
that each of the live shows be themed. For instance, one show could be devoted
to writing and delivering a speech. Each candidate would be put in solitary
confinement for the day with a pencil and paper. No speech writers would be allowed.
Also, no computer with an Internet connection would be allowed lest the
candidates be tempted to plagiarize a Ronald Reagan speech. During the live
show that evening, they would deliver their speeches. After the show, two hours
of voting would begin. Everyone would be allowed to vote as many times as she
is able to get through on the phone and the Internet. Don’t even say it. I know
what you are thinking. Isn’t this method of voting disenfranchising those
without a phone or a computer with an Internet connection? Well, it would be
except that I hear that President Obama is personally passing out free cell phones
to those without one. I assume this program will continue under future
presidents. In fact, with voting at stake, it would be their patriotic duty.
Additional show themes could include such things as handling a
simulated Cuban missile crisis, making wise decisions (bonus points for having
this ability during the sleep deprivation episode), handling terrorist threats
and attacks, and revealing which famous actors you would choose to fly into
space with nuclear weapons to break up a comet fast approaching Earth. I would personally
want to see one week devoted to the candidates imitating Elvis Presley. I
believe every patriotic American citizen needs to possess this skill. The
president gets no special exemption. However, this is the closest I ever want
to see the US President pretending to be a King.
After several weeks of intense competition and voting, the winner
of the presidential reality TV show would be revealed. Tell us what prizes the
winner gets, Don Pardo. Well, they include an all expense paid trip to
Washington DC, a free four-year stay at the White House, free trips to points
around the world aboard Air Force One, free food for the entire family, and an
annual $400,000 salary plus $169,000 for various expenses. And that’s not all. The
winner will continue to get nearly $200,000 per year for life as a pension. Not
bad considering he will also be eligible to make $100,000 or more for each
appearance he makes on the speaking circuit. The actual amount will vary
depending on how well he performed on speech delivery night during the
competition.
So what do you all think of my idea? If you like it, we can make
this reality show a reality by banding together and demanding a Constitutional
amendment that modifies the election process. I can’t wait. After all, since it
is my idea, my royalties for the show will probably exceed by far the measly
amount made by the President. His will be chump change by comparison.